IFS for Gay Men
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based counselling method for transforming your relationship with yourself“There are parts of me that I feel ashamed of, and there are even parts I hope no one ever discovers.”
You feel exhausted after trying your hardest to control the different parts of yourself, all while hoping no one finds out about this inner struggle.
I can get so worried about what other people think, and don’t want other people to be upset with me.
Certain people can make me feel really scared, and I can’t seem to think my way out of the overwhelm.
There are days where I’ll replay moments in my mind constantly and just feel exhausted without any solution.
I feel on edge about trying to do things better all the time. It makes me feel physically tense.
Sometimes when I’m feeling really low, deep down I feel like I’m just a bad person.
Your journey as a gay man is a rich and complex story, filled with many challenges that have shaped who you are today.
Perhaps you’ve faced rejection or judgment from loved ones or your community for being gay. Even if these relationships are repaired on the surface now, these traumatic experiences might still cause pain, like old wounds that haven’t fully healed.
Your childhood could’ve felt like a battleground where your uniqueness was met with emotional or physical abuse. And after all these years, these moments can still feel fresh when something reminds you of the past.
Facing these past traumas, you might sometimes question your worth, wondering if there’s something wrong with you that caused these experiences.
Coming out is a courageous act, but the time spent hiding yourself can cast a long shadow. Even now, you might feel like parts of you are still hidden away in the closet.
As you reflect on your past, you might even be noticing those familiar feelings of shame, fear, or anger starting to rise.
These feelings are all normal responses to the hardships you’ve faced. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you for experiencing these emotions. In fact, they’re a testament to the reality of your resilience and your humanity.
And this reality comes with another empowering truth: you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Now imagine waking up one day to find that your relationship with yourself has totally transformed.
Your past is still a piece of your story, but it no longer carries the same pain. You begin to notice some wonderful changes:
✓ Your triggers, those certain people or situations that used to unsettle you, lose their power. You handle conflict with courage and confidence.
✓ Challenges are met with gentleness and compassion towards yourself. You’re understanding and patient with your own process.
✓ You’re able to sleep peacefully, waking up with a sense of clarity and calm. You feel a strong connection with yourself each morning.
✓ Those intense feelings of shame, fear, and anxiety don’t spike the way they used to. Instead, you’re able to savour the enjoyment in your everyday activities.
✓ You even start to tap into a sense of curiosity and creativity that had been overshadowed for too long. You rediscover playful parts of you that bring joy and lightness into your life.
The best part? This isn’t just a dream.
These are the sorts of transformations we’ve witnessed repeatedly in gay men who’ve embraced the IFS approach.
Through IFS, you can foster a deeper, more compassionate relationship with all parts of yourself, leading to profound healing and personal growth.
Curious about taking the first step?
Start your journey towards self-understanding, acceptance, and transformation today by scheduling a free consultation using the button below.
Counsellors Who Provide IFS Counselling
Jordan Gruenhage
MA, CCC, RCC