As you’re reading this, you might be feeling trapped in your own feelings, again, and having thoughts like:
I’m so sensitive and overreact to everything. I hate this part of myself sometimes.
Why did I blow up at him like that?
I feel terrified and anxious after talking with that person.
I feel criticised all the time, and it hurts so badly. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I wish I could just set better boundaries with him and stick to them.
I can’t sleep or even start my day because I’m so overwhelmed sometimes.
There’s also the shame about thoughts and feelings that can feel doubly shameful to share with others in your life.
In private moments when you’re alone with yourself you might even wonder if it’s true that there’s something inherently wrong with you.
But in other moments, you might have some idea that your personal history with family, religion, or other people is affecting you negatively now, but it’s not totally clear why.
It feels even less clear how to change negative patterns when it feels like you’ve tried everything.
Sometimes when you look back at your childhood, whether you knew you were gay or not, there might have often been a feeling of looking in from the outside, feeling different, and not feeling fully understood by those around you.
Thinking about all these issues right now, you might even be noticing that your breathing has quickened and your heart is beating faster.
Now, take a deep and slow breath as best you can. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.
It’s really common to feel uneasy when you’re trying to find a counsellor and also thinking about all the issues you want to work on.
Take a moment to have another deep and slow breath.
Now, imagine waking up with a clear mind and calm body.
Imagine feeling like you can make decisions about how you respond to your partner, family, friends, coworkers, and even yourself.
Imagine setting boundaries with other people and feeling good about it.
Imagine feeling free from that old hurt deep inside.
Imagine feeling that you’re truly okay just as you are.
As a fellow gay man, I’ve spent hours looking for a counsellor who I thought would understand me. The issues gay men face are unique, and it’s a relief to feel someone will just get it.
My approach is rooted in a deep respect for the feelings people are having in the moment to moment unfolding of counselling. And yes, I mean any feelings. Even those ones that you feel ashamed about or are worried about getting judged for.
At the beginning of counselling, and even before having a consultation call, it’s very common to feel anxious and not know where to start when there are many areas you’d like to work on. It’s totally okay to feel like this. 🙂
To start, we’ll spend time getting to know each other and also getting to know the areas you’d like to work on. You’ll fill out some questionnaires, and we’ll get a history of your challenges that will help us determine the best way to help you work toward your goals.
Some of the ways we’ll work on your goals include:
✓ Learning how to take better care of yourself by building skills that can help you stay grounded during the ups and downs in your life.
✓ Learning how to set boundaries, express needs, and get your needs met.
✓ Working through past trauma using methods such as EMDR.
✓ Developing strategies to get unstuck from patterns that aren’t working for you.
If you’d like to know more about my approach, you can read about the 3-step counselling process I designed specifically for gay men.
I’m glad you’re here. You’ve taken an important and courageous step toward your wellbeing by searching for help.
Click the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call so that I can get to know you better, and we can talk about getting you some help.
The truth is, if you’d told me growing up that as an adult I’d find fulfillment providing counselling to other gay men, I would’ve been surprised.
After being left speechless for a few seconds, I’d ask what do you mean by other? That sensitive and creative little kid had no idea of the challenges and joys that being gay would bring to his life.
It wasn’t easy.
Growing up in a religious community that wasn’t gay-affirming presented me with a lot of negative messages which I soaked up and internalized.
These internalized messages made it difficult for me to accept myself, my emotions, and my inherent worth.
I struggled with shame, perfectionism, anxiety, depression, and loneliness for many years before starting to realize these messages inside were not my own.
I realized that gay men have inherent worth, and that we deserve to live fulfilling lives.
Now as an adult, I love being a gay man with all of my imaginative, geeky, curious, witty, and introverted qualities. I like all these parts of myself, though appreciating all these aspects has taken my own personal work (counsellors do their own counselling too 🙂).
I became a counsellor because when I was younger and needed help, I found there wasn’t many counselling options designed for gay men.
As helpful as the counselling I got was, I realized that if I wanted to see more high-quality mental health resources made for gay men, I’d need to be a part of that change. And so, The Centre for Gay Counselling was born.
I’m deeply curious about all the interesting and unexplored things that can be known in human experience, culture, science, and beyond.
A running joke in my life has become my husband seeing all the tabs I have open online and trying to guess how one tab might have led to another.
One of my favourite weekend activities is spending the afternoon creating a delicious meal to share with family and friends. But don’t get me wrong, I also appreciate the subtle nuances of Nutella on a piece of freezer-burnt raisin toast.
I love working with gay men because I personally know the challenges many of us face.
I’m inspired daily by the courage I see in my clients who are constantly striving for more in life.
It’s an incredible privilege to help clients who have difficult problems take the necessary steps to make their lives and relationships easier, more productive, and just overall better.
I’d be honoured to learn more about you and your current challenges. Click the button below to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call so that I can get to know you better, and we can talk about getting you some help.
Training & Credentials
First and foremost, I’m a lifelong learner. In addition to all the trainings and certifications I’ve listed below, I’m always learning something new (see section on being curious geek). I do this out of my own desire for learning, and to maintain and expand my competence as a counsellor.
Research & Training in Gay Men's Issues
Over 10 years of experience researching and training in gay men’s issues.
MA in Counselling Psychology
I completed a Master of Arts degree in counselling psychology at Simon Fraser University. For my thesis, I researched gay men’s experiences of holding hands in public.
Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC)
I’m a Registered Clinical Counsellor in good standing with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors.
Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC)
I’m a Canadian Certified Counsellor in good standing with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association.
I’ve completed Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) basic training.
Gottman Method Relationship Counselling
I’m trained in Level 1 & 2 Gottman Method Couples Therapy.